Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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