Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
