Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
