When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
