Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
