Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
