Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
