dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
