I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
