so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
