What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
