I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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