he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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