i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
