Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
