I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
