new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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