the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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