I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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