he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
