Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
