She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
