I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
