Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
