Non-Jews are for practice
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
