so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
