Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
