I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
