ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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