Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
