She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
