We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got inside last night via doggy door
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
