saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize