So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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