I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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