TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
