Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
