He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize