The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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