Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Someone signed my nipple.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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