we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
