I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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