The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is the high leading the old right now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
