i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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