My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
