this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
