That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
