no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
