im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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