Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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