Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
