So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's always time for handjobs
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
