She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
