she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
