I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We're too hungover to prance.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
