I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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