I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
