Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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