Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
