You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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