I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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