You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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