Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
