Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This toilet bowl is my home.
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