i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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