you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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