FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
