You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize