hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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