I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
