Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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