Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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