I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am naked and annoyed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
