Hey man sorry I got all grabby
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
