If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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