lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
