Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
